Teachers in Our Lives

Since most students enter school with the expectation of learning things that they didn’t know before, they aren't surprised by the “aha” moments they experience there.  They expect to solve complicated problems and get answers to tough equations while in school. 

But life outside the walls of academia is a different story.

Hypnotherapy uses a term called Theory of Mind to describe how humans develop their distaste for or attraction to certain things. According to the Theory of Mind, after the age of about 9, we begin to develop what’s referred to as the critical mind. The critical mind is a part of the subconscious that serves as a filter to help us accept or reject ideas according to our environmental conditioning. If something that we’re doing is associated with a good memory, then the conscious mind accepts the activity and allows a smooth, stress-free experience. If we have a bad memory that gets recalled when we are attempting something new, then the experience causes anxiety and discomfort.

With these built-in reactions to new people and situations, it is often difficult to look at information with a “beginner’s mind” and to view each interaction as an opportunity to grow and learn something new.

However, when we allow ourselves the freedom to look at new information from all sides -- taking in, assessing, extracting and assimilating -- we become students of life and begin to seek out opportunities for growth, enrichment and inspiration.

So how do we break free from the critical mind and open ourselves to new possibilities with an attitude of acceptance? Read on for a few thoughts on how to do that:

Wait a Minute or Two Before Responding to Situations or People

Many of us stubbornly hold fast to what we like and don’t like because it’s how we identify ourselves. “We’ve seen or done this before” we think, so we don’t need to think about how we feel. But going through life changes us, and our feelings about certain things may change over time. When we take a little time to consider information like it's the first time we’ve come across it, we break free of labels and stay aware of any changes in our feelings, which can happen at any stage of life.

Make a Habit of Listening Reflectively

We often approach conversations with an anticipatory stance – waiting impatiently until the other person is finished talking so we can put our own two cents in. But in any conversation, most people feel they just want to be heard. They want to know that what they’re saying is really understood and fully appreciated.

“Seek first to understand then worry about being understood.”

Listening reflectively allows us to confirm what we heard the other person say by offering, in our own words, a short summary.  For example, if a friend is venting to you about a bad experience they had at work, instead of just jumping right in with an agreement such as “that was so wrong or unfair!”, you could say something like “so it sounds like you got really angry when this happened, are you still feeling that way?” Checking in with and confirming statements can help to ensure that our responses are as appropriate and supportive as possible.

Embrace Opportunities to Learn with an Open Mind

My very first college professor was one of the best teachers I ever had. He taught a class called “Speech 100” which I enrolled in to get over my anxiety about speaking in public. I signed up for a very specific reason, but it wasn’t long before I realized that the class didn’t really have much at all to do with public speaking. Instead, my classmates and I were treated to a semester of philosophical ideas about relationships, our reasons for being and how to communicate more effectively.  It was clear that most of us in the class were quite surprised at the actual course material. But no one complained that we didn’t do speeches or work on perfecting our stage presence.  Instead we were all constantly engaged and inspired by our professor, who was passionate, knowledgeable, open-minded and utterly riveting. We all got to know our classmates in ways that we normally wouldn’t have because instead of a traditional classroom setting, we sat in circles, went for walks and often just hung out for lively conversations. Who knows how the professor came to shape this course that in the school's catalog was described as an “introduction to the mechanics of preparing for and delivering speeches.” None of us in his class got what we expected, but I’m sure the many students who shared my experience are grateful that they had the benefit of the life lessons and practical advice that this professor so openly and lovingly shared with us. To this day, 25 years later, I still find myself referring to his words when I am faced with a challenge.

Find the Teacher in Everyone

Teachers are all around us. If we pay attention well, there are learning opportunities everywhere -- a passing remark from a stranger, advice from a wise friend or relative, even in interactions between young children.

Allowing ourselves the innocence and willing spirit of the beginner’s mind can help us grow far beyond the preconceived notions of our abilities or capacity for learning.

With an open mind and an attitude that teachers can be found anywhere, you might be surprised at how much more often you experience those “aha!” moments. 

Because, sometimes, the best lessons show up when we least expect them.

Your Turn

What unexpected lessons have you learned recently? What was the last time you experienced an "aha!" moment? Please feel free to share your thoughts via one of the social media channels listed below!